What is happening in my brain

Lately my mind has been running in a million different directions and I have had a little bit of writers block. I really get so frustrated when this happens, especially when I have stories to tell but no ability to quite put them into words. I literally just recovered from the Flu and I am trying to catch up on all of my chores. Im so overwhelmed right now, trying to take it one day at a time. June is already half way through and it has been an eventful month so far. This coming weekend will be my first weekend at home in my apartment for 5 weeks. Between WA, Cali, Europe, Back to WA, Back to Cali, Back to WA… Yeah, you get the idea. I am so happy to be spending it home for the next few weeks (as of right now atleast).

This coming weekend, my bestie Devin and I are doing a lake day. We plan to take out the paddle boards and just enjoy the sunshine. He has been such a huge part of my growth here in Oregon and I am so thankful for him. Lately, I have been feeling so lost. Debating leaving my company, interviewing places all over the US, and really just healing from a very rough “relationship” I was in that was really unhealthy and damaging for me. Letting go is never easy but I have been fortunate to have so much support around me.

I am sure by reading this you’re thinking “why the fuck can’t this girl talk about one subject” well I don’t know either so bare with me here. I think I am in a really good head space finally, I got a new therapist and things have been looking up. Outside of the job dilemma. There is a chance for me to go to Indy, the thought of season Colts tickets gives me so much joy but I can’t help but feel like the PNW is literally part of who I am and I don’t see myself leaving just yet. There is one thing that could make me leave here, and I am not sure if that will ever come into play.

Its so hard when you are trying to make choices for your self, I am never good at that. I can’t help but think about how I don’t want to be further from my parents. I am 3 hours right now and its not bad because I visit often but I don’t really want to have to be a plane ride away. Then I think about my friendships, and how much I love my hiking adventures. I think deep down my mind is made up on staying but I want to go through with these interviews on the off chance I’m passing up something amazing.

The life I have built here in Oregon is one I have dreamed of for so long, maybe I just need to slow down and appreciate what is in front of me. After all, I am a firm believer of the universe doing its thing. Even when its Karma coming back to bite me in the ass. Not sure what awaits me but I do know I will make the most of ever moment I have on this earth.

Until my next ramble, byeeee