I always find myself processing my life and choices I’ve made over the years. Thinking about the insane ups and downs of my twenties which essentially developed me into the woman I am today. I tell stories, look at pictures, and reminisce on the memories. The people I loved and the people I lost, new friendships, inner growth, etc. It can be overwhelming but would I go back in time and change it if I could?
I constantly find myself saying, I wish I would have never done this or that… maybe things would be better, I’d be more successful, and so on. It’s big time “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” but one thing I deeply believe in, is the universe. I know it sounds a bid ridiculous. I’ve had a lot of family trauma, hardships, heartbreaks and failed A LOT. BUT isn’t that what your twenties are about?? You live, make mistakes, build yourself, grow, fail, succeed, and so on.
I made learned a lot of lessons the hard way in those “golden years” and though sometimes I want to take it all back… I remember the people I met during those excruciating times. The faces you see on your social media that you may not talk to often, or ever, but at one point they were a part of your happiness and still exist in the depths of your memories.
As I approach my 32nd birthday, I’ve been thinking about how extravagant or crazy my birthdays were the last decade or so.. how the last few years I’ve been in different places 29 Washington, 30 Cali, 31 Oregon….. now 32 in Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve regretting moving here... This has been the most challenging yet rewarding time. Let me just tell you that moving to a place in an environment you’ve never been in, with different types of people you’ve never experience, and overwhelmed with the loneliness was a challenge in its own. Sadie licked my tears on several occasions. Can’t forget about how the first several weeks of my job, I was miserable and hated myself for moving here and accepting this position. Then one day I woke up and things didn’t feel so awful anymore. Work became a place where I’m surrounded (primarily) by co workers I enjoy, doing the career that I fell into and was so passionate about, broadening my resume, and developing friendships that migrated outside of the work place. Then of course, came Karrington. She moved up here and I instantly felt like the wound of despair I felt from missing friends, was mended.
Having said that, I miss my old life in Oregon. Like being 3 hours from my parents and Washington friends, Saturday morning brunches with Devin at 9 am because no one else wakes up with me, taking Sadie to her favorite dog park every weekend, driving to the ocean in an hour because we were bored, hiking the mountains, real mountains not East coast mountains.. honestly I find myself mourning it often. It wasn’t easy to leave, looking back I was running away from something that shattered me into pieces but I survived and I feel like I’ve blossomed in the year of 31.
31 year old Jadium experienced Europe, romance, new friendships, writing poetry, getting back into reading, painting, and a lot of traveling. Now I understand, could I have done things differently? Yes. But as far as the question goes, no I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m here now and I have no idea what one small adjustment could have done in the domino effect of who I’ve become. I really like her.
So here’s to 32, April 27th is around the corner and I can’t wait to experience another year of life with Sadie girl and those who make everyday special for me.
Thanks for reading ❤️
I’ve been blissfully in my own world the last few months, trying to find my passion for writing again. I’ve been reading a lot, trying to find my voice again. Things are good and I appreciate every person who makes an impact on my life, whether it’s currently or in the past. I hope your dreams come true.
Ps Taylor Swifts album is about to come out in a week!!! Okay byeee
