Look, I know most people have this plan to be settled and married before they are 30. This was not a goal for me. My mom always told me “you change so much in your 20’s, there is no rush” and she was so right. There is not one person I dated or talked to in my 20’s that I could see myself with, as my current self. You do change a lot, you grow a lot, you go through ups and downs that shape you. So her words stuck with me. I am so happy I never settled. Its not that the people I dated were bad, they just weren’t the person I was meant to be with and that’s okay! Now, this is in no way bashing those who found their person early in life. A lot of couples grow together, have families, and live that life completely happy. That just isn’t the life for me. The number one thing I realized in my 20’s was that, I do not want to birth children. Ever. Unless I become a step mom or adoption, I don’t want kids at all. Though, having a dad who raised my brother and I even though he was not our biological father definitely always kept me open to the idea of being a step parent. I have seen that unconditional love and it means the world to me. It’s kind of insane, how much the way I grew up has impacted my views of love and life. I am very much a hopeless romantic, stuck in the ways of a realist.
Life has slapped me in the face so many times. Thinking I found “the one” but then I was abandoned, or they had a secret life, or just didn’t work for whatever reason. Thats okay, there will always be another person. What is annoying to one, will be adorable to another. I used to deeply believe in soulmates. Now? I believe everyone has multiple people they could end up with and be happy. Maybe soul mate is a state of mind. When someone makes you and your heart and soul feel safe and secure, that could define that term for you. When my friends come to me about their boy or girl issues, they don’t always love what I have to say. After settling into a situation where the person was never going to choose me, I grew a lot. It wasn’t that I wasn’t enough, its that I was settling for the bare minimum when I deserved so much more. That changed me forever. Thats exactly what I share with my friends. “leave” “you deserve better” “talk about it with them” “compromise” I always wait, I listen and then determine if they want me to tell them what I think or just be an ear.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with this song called “switch” by TLC. If you know it, you’d probably laugh and have seen me have that state of mind at one point or another. Erase, replace, embrace, new face. There will always be someone else, as much as it hurts it is NOT the end. Ever. Personally, I really enjoy being alone, Its definitely life changing to become comfortable with yourself. I highly recommend taking time in your life to be alone and embrace the beauty of yourself, the quiet, journaling, going to restaurants, sporting events, or even traveling alone. There are days, where I lay in bed and only get up to walk Sadie and pee, then get right back into bed. There are also days where I run errands, clean the house, organize, take Sadie to the park, hike, paint, laugh at videos, write a blog… being alone is okay.
I have not found my person yet. Many have tried and failed, trust me… if this was anonymous, id share the pros and cons and nick names my close friends and I have decided on… but id rather not choose violence or piss anyone off today. It can be anything from “nose ring guy” “muscle pics with pants around ankles ick” to "lives with parents still" If I have ever even had a slight curiosity about you or crush on you. My bestie knows. He is my go-to. He keeps me grounded and sane. Sometimes, Im on cloud 9 and then one small thing happens and I’m like “idk they texted less this week” screen shot the convo and send to him. He tells me if its sus, or if I’m over thinking. Its nice that he’s married bc he has a healthy relationship with his hubby, so I get real advice that he would use himself and in his relationship. And when I set boundaries or speak my feelings, he is always proud of me.
Anyways, if you’re dating in your 30’s and feeling hopeless… its okay! The person will come when they come. You are not on a timeline, you’re not a ticking clock, you are perfect and on the right path for you! When you do date, you’ll learn some people never grow up, some boys still send unsolicited pics, some people are womanizers… You will find your icks, your automatic “Absolutely not” and so much more... for me that’s snap chat. Im convinced its toxic 63% of the time. IDC if you don’t believe me, bet if you checked your hubs or wifeys account you’d agree (not always, good humans do exist)… Thats just me though. I deleted mine for a lot of reasons. For someone who wants to believe deeply in loyalty and true love, I sure don’t have a lot of faith in humans. I do keep it real with men. I warn them instantly about my hard boundaries, and ask for theirs as id never want to disrespect someone intentionally. Has to be mutual respect going into anything. Always match energy and never play games. We are in our 30’s, its not worth it. Just be real or stay single.
ANYWAYS As the queen Taylor Swift says “got a long list of ex lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane but I’ve got a blank space baby, and ill write your name” *winks*
until next time, byeeeeee
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